Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
