did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
