What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
