Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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