from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
