what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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