So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
