Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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