you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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