I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
