YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
