I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
