I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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