Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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