I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
