I seem to have left my pride at pride
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
