fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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