just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
