32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
