I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
