so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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