I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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