Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
