Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
