I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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