I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
