This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
