he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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