I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
