apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
