Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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