You're completely useless in the revolution.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
