Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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