mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
where am i from again
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
