So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
