Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Randomize
