You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
handjob tips. give me some.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
