just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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