I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
