i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
