You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
