My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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