She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
