I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish my penis had an off switch
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
