yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
