dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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