Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how does that bad decision feel?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
