I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
