I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
