omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
