No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
