Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
