Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
