i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
