my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize