u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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