remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I need to calm my uterus...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
