I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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