i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I touched a dick in church today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
