I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
