Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
