it was like eating out sand paper
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
