If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
