All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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