I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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