Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
