I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Less talking, more tequila
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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