is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
