youre lurking in front of me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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