u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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