I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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