My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
