turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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