dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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