you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
