Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
