Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
